i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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