i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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