You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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