I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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