i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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