Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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