All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
