farters have to be the big spoon...
I looked at my own cervix.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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