i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
