I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
