it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize