I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
