I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
