2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
