If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
