I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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