If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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