you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
