just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
