Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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