I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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