I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
