New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
