so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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