No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
