they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ttyl tear gas
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
