I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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