i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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