will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
