i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
