I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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