I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
