You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize