Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
