She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
