DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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