The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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