I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
