someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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