I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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