I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
