do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
