I don't remember. Are we still dating?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
