Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
