If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize