Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
