It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
