Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
