The maid of honor just puked.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
