I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
