i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize