I can text with my tongue
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
