due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
