you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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