I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
