Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
