I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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