I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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