naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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