when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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