I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
