I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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