You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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