Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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