my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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