"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
