I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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