its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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