my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
