Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
