Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize