Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
