then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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