i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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