I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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