Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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