is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
