After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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