Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
