I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
