We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize