I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
PANTIES FOUND
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