I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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