Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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