I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
