You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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