I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So squirting runs in the family.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
