You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
