...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
