Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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