don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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