If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
