No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
