is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
