believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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