apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
