I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
