My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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