At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
