How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
