I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Im part way to drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
